On Sunday, my inability to make a decision finally resulted in me choosing to flip a coin, to help me figure out what I wanted. And I’d been told that when you flip a coin to make a serious decision, it results in you generally realising what you want before the coin even lands. Maybe that knowledge messed it up for me because in the time the coin was flipped into the air, spun and caught, all my mind was telling me was “I don’t know”. I actually couldn’t decide. The coin failed. I failed.
Except I think I just had a delayed reaction to the coin flip, or it it didn’t have the same effect because I was so aware that it was going to make me decide so I panicked, was sort of scared, and couldn’t think. Even a minute later, when I was told the coin had said ‘heads’ – which we had chosen to mean I would stay in France for the year – my reaction was disappointment. I knew that it would have been the same if they had said it was tails, but from that moment on, and taking into account some advice from college friends who’d all already made their decisions long ago and without much difficulty, I started seriously thinking about leaving my erasmus at just one semester, instead of extending it to two.
I think I made my mind up on the day, within an hour of the coin flip, but I’ve been pondering it since to make sure I’m doing the right thing.
Don’t get me wrong, I’d still love to stay for the year, or come back to this town to live here for a while, but I think going home is the right decision. If I stayed it would probably make college much more difficult, between various modules, and most of all, the equivalent of a thesis that we have to write at some point in the next year and a half. Seeing as it’s half of third year and all of fourth year we’re talking about here, I’d rather not make things any more complicated than they should be.
I’ve had a massive weight lifted off my shoulders after that anyway. Fully recommend making serious decisions at least a few days before the deadline (and no later) to everyone. Except that’s generally what people do, isn’t it? Yeah… Well, I tried. This is a much better result than my last few major academic decisions, which were made either on deadline day, or when it was too late. Great day for the parish.