How to get a six-pack in a week

I’ve done some serious core workouts over the past week and have therefore discovered how to get a six pack in one week.  Incase you would also like a six-pack, I’ve decided to share my newly-acquired knowledge with you.  Simply follow the steps below:

1. Get a chest infection

Once you have a chest infection, you will cough much more often and much more intensely than before you had one.  Coughing is the healthiest way to get a six-pack, because you expel loads of germs to everyone around you while coughing, making it more likely that they will get sick, and then you will naturally seem healthier in comparison.  Ideally, work in 749,323,402 coughing fits per day, to get the best results.

2. Be asthmatic

This gives a real kick to your cough routine, bringing in a solid cardio element to your workout, when your lungs and heart inevitably go into sprint mode after as little as one coughing fit.

Don’t use your inhaler though, just keep coughing, because it doesn’t matter if you can’t breathe, as long as you have a six-pack.

3. Have allergies

Allergies are great because you don’t even need to do any exercise to draw on a fit of coughing or sneezing, you just have to exist, and it will happen.  If your allergies aren’t up to scratch and haven’t caused you to have a sneeizure in a while, try opening a window, or going outside.  Simple things like air, sun and grass will soon get you back on track, coughing and sneezing to your heart’s content.

4. Lie down

Doctors sometimes advocate crazy things like “rest” when people are sick.  When you have a cold, what they actually mean, is “lie down”, because this makes you cough way more, so that you can get a six-pack seven times more quickly.  They have recently re-branded this concept as “science”.

5. Stress as much as possible

The more you stress, the more likely your stomach muscles are to be in bits tensed all the time.  So if you’re stressed 24/7, you can even take some breaks from coughing your lungs up, because your stomach will be in an absolute heap regardless.

Don’t even think about doing any sit-ups; this will only disrupt the flow of constant tension in your stomach, and your six-pack will disappear within seconds.

As we all know, there are no side effects whatsoever of constant stress, so make sure to stress all the time, for a lovely, toned six-pack.

6. Become a shelf

Fitness experts suggest exercises like planking to build a strong core.  One easy-to-follow method is to see how long you can plank for in one go, and try to increase that each time you work out.  Why not take it one step further, and become an actual shelf?  With this method, your core becomes as strong as a literal tree, and as an added bonus you then live for up to 200 years.

So there you have it, those are my tips on how to live for an extra hundred or more years, and get a six-pack, so you can post pictures of yourself on Instagram, incase anyone couldn’t tell you had a six-pack just by the smug look-at-me-I’m-class-I’ve-a-six-pack head on you.

That’s all now, nothing new with me sure y’know yerself.

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